We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of the infamous hookup and some creepshow (which might, on occasion, just happen to be YOU) pulls some questionable, ridiculous or completely regrettable move that makes you want to run for the door as if the bed just burst into flames. The Rules are here to stop these bedroom mishaps before they happen, and to separate the do’s and the please-for-the-love-of-God-DON’Ts of hooking up. Some--like #26, No Animals-- are so obvious you wonder if you might be on some sort of hidden camera show when they happen to you. Others, like #74--Beware of Unusual Body Hair--, are a little more subtle but still worth your consideration.
The Rules of the Hookup are all in good fun (well, mostly) and meant to help you avoid an early morning case of the wish-I’d-kept-my-pants-ons. Read at your own discretion and remember--really, rules were mostly made to be broken. Except for Rule #1.
Rule #1: No fuglies.
No fuglies. The most obvious and basic rule of them all--so you’d think.
If you’ve seen Mean Girls or been alive for less than thirty years you naturally know that fugly=f*#king ugly, and who wants to be that? But more importantly, who wants to do that? Your brain says not me! but six $2 doubles say why not? and when it’s 2 AM and for some reason your brain seems to be whispering while those doubles are screaming at the top of their lungs, sometimes little old you can make a not-so-little mistake. Next thing you know, you’re waking up next to a Rosie O’Donnell look-alike, praying that the bathroom window is big enough to squeeze your hopelessly hungover, remorse-filled self through before he, or she, or it, wakes up.
Whatever, don’t act like it’s never happened to you.
Rule #1 should be like a microphone for your little brain when the bartender yells LAST CALL. Not me! It should scream. No fuglies! I don’t care if you forget what bar you’re at. I don’t care if you forget who you came with or that you sang karaoke to ‘My Heart Will Go On’. Your only job is to remember one thing, and it’s Rule #1. NO FUGLIES. That girl at the end of the bar that’s looking better by the minute despite her sort-of snaggletooth and might-be moustache? Take it from me my friend, just say NO. You will thank me in the morning.
The Rules of the Hookup are all in good fun (well, mostly) and meant to help you avoid an early morning case of the wish-I’d-kept-my-pants-ons. Read at your own discretion and remember--really, rules were mostly made to be broken. Except for Rule #1.
Rule #1: No fuglies.
No fuglies. The most obvious and basic rule of them all--so you’d think.
If you’ve seen Mean Girls or been alive for less than thirty years you naturally know that fugly=f*#king ugly, and who wants to be that? But more importantly, who wants to do that? Your brain says not me! but six $2 doubles say why not? and when it’s 2 AM and for some reason your brain seems to be whispering while those doubles are screaming at the top of their lungs, sometimes little old you can make a not-so-little mistake. Next thing you know, you’re waking up next to a Rosie O’Donnell look-alike, praying that the bathroom window is big enough to squeeze your hopelessly hungover, remorse-filled self through before he, or she, or it, wakes up.
Whatever, don’t act like it’s never happened to you.
Rule #1 should be like a microphone for your little brain when the bartender yells LAST CALL. Not me! It should scream. No fuglies! I don’t care if you forget what bar you’re at. I don’t care if you forget who you came with or that you sang karaoke to ‘My Heart Will Go On’. Your only job is to remember one thing, and it’s Rule #1. NO FUGLIES. That girl at the end of the bar that’s looking better by the minute despite her sort-of snaggletooth and might-be moustache? Take it from me my friend, just say NO. You will thank me in the morning.
